Considering the amount of interaction the general youth gets, they generally lack exposure. So, brother Bernard is going to share with you the key points for life and how to live it.

Rule #1

When faced with a gigantic roach, scream, huddle to a corner and wait for it to scamper away. The following half an hour is to be spent cautiously. Armed with a tool for smacking or crushing without a chance of hurting yourself. (The following tools are acceptable: Slippers, Newspaper and Younger Siblings)

Of course, we are always encouraged to embrace the non-violent side of life. Thus plucking up courage and running away screaming is the alternative. Remember to do so in an animated fashion - throwing your arms around, taking really really wide strides and screaming in your most manly voice. (So even when you look like a total girl, you still sound like a total man)

Rule #2

When going for a rock concert, always remember to bring an extra change of clothes. Reason being, other than the obvious perspiration and the possibility of throwing up dinner (from too much beer) favourite bands often demands some shirt flinging action. So, to truly unleash the air-guitar legend within, without looking like a complete idiot on the bus home, take it off, throw it and put it back on.

 

 

Rule #3

When preparing to pass, prepare to fail. It calms your nerves, gives you a better sense of hopelessness and most of all, it prepares you for the worst. Best thing about this is the look on everyones’ faces when they see your hopelessness and soon, demoralise themselves and in turn, you do better than them. Don’t you just love the grading curve?

Rule #4

Taxi Drivers are friends, not food. From my understanding, Taxi Drivers are one of the top victims of pranks and scams. This is one example:

Boy: Opens Door to taxi to ask “Uncle ah! Got go to Bukit Timah?”

Uncle: “Got ah!”

Boy: “I want to go home la!!” Slams door, Runs away

Uncle: “$^&%$$@$%^!!!!”

Five Minutes Later

Boy: “Sorry ah uncle, I drunk ah, eh… got go Bukit Timah not?”

Uncle: “GOT LA!”

Boy: “I WANT TO GO HOME LA!!” Slams door and runs away again

Uncle: “…………..”

 

 

Rule #5

Never and I mean never! Piss the aunty from your favourite food stall off. Other than the obvious price hike and the sudden weight-loss of your plate, your serve is now, more prone to:

1. Spits
2. Snot
3. Insects
4. Over-cooked/ Charred scrapes
5. Leftovers

 

Good tips for life, that concludes this week’s Tips for life. Now, I’m headed off to the toilet for next weeks’ big tip.

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